Case in point:
I have been pulling long; long hours working on do everything I can to get this project on the path that I believe we need to be on. For starters, in order for this project to be a success, we MUST get the photos from Iraq before these walls; hescos, toilets, etc vanish forever when the drawdown is complete by next year. I know that I am running out of time and this is partly my fault because of my loyalty to an organization that perhaps isn't as loyal to us as I had foolishly once thought. So for the past few days and weeks I have been trying to do everything I can to find an alternative, with little to no response or success. 4 steps in the right direction......and pushed in the dirt.
In addition to that, because we don't have a team of people working on this we are forced to "wear" many hats around the organizations. Unfortunately, this causes a bit of chaos with my life. I have a wife, I have 4 children, I have a 19 credit hour schedule at West Virginia University and I have a multi-cultural, multi-faceted project with a non-profit foundation that is looking to earn (and believe me, you are NOT granted 501(c)(3) status, you earn that with blood sweat and tears) our tax-exempt status from the IRS. In a perfect world, we would have a department for this, or at the very least, hire a service to help guide us through. Of course, with our limited funding sources (all sources are my personal bank accounts) we don't have the capital to secure this service. All of our capital (including my savings) is tied up in marketing this project and recently created non-profit foundation. So, I have spent more time than I really care to count, on jumping through the hoops of the IRS, created, documenting, promising and forecasting (that's right, I have to attempt to see into the future for the IRS on how much I anticipate our foundation will raise every year for the next 3 years) and then, I have to prepare for exams for my Accounting class, my Biology class, my Math class and my History class and I can assure you they are not all multiple choice. A few steps forward.......then spun around and booted in the back.
And I would do this all over again, many times over because I think, I THINK what I am doing is going to help my brothers and sisters-in-arms and the veterans I served with and the family members that didn't get their loved ones back from the desert. However, when I go and try to ask other organizations for help spreading the word, I get the door in the face, or hung up on, or told, there isn't enough room for another organization that helps vets and troops, that I am stepping on their toes. And then I get flak from the very people I thought I was doing all of this for, the troops and vets themselves. I take a few steps forward.....then kicked between the legs.
Maybe this project isn't what I thought it was. Maybe there really just isn't a market out there for it. Maybe it was just not the right idea. But surely the foundation is a good idea, right? I mean therapy available online! That has got to work out well. I would much rather go to groups or my therapist at home then to trudge in the snow or rain and drive and drive for a 45-minute group. Surely this would be something that could really help, really change people. But then I post it to a military forum along with the interview with SSG D from KCEN. I conform to the "no outside links" and just let them know about the interview and that we are working on this now, since the forum is called "In The News". And it’s for a good cause....surely they will want to know about it........here's your hat, don't let the door hit you in the @$$.
I think I'm taking some time off. I've reached my exhaustion point and I'm starting to forget why I got into this whole thing. I am forgetting what it is all about. I'm sorry for pushing you all. I'm sorry for bitching and moaning. I know this sounds corny, but really, I really want to help people, to change people, to change me too. But the costs are adding up and this uphill fight for the last few months is wearing on me beyond what I can bear, right now. I'll take some time off and get rejuvenated and be ready to fight again. Take two steps forward........take a nap.
In the mean time, if you need anything, my partner Jason "SSG D" Deckman is fully capable and able to answer your questions, comments, concerns, etc but you all rarely ask, but when and if you do, he is here to help, firstname.lastname@example.org. If anyone comes up with ideas, let us know, if you think we should go into a different direction, let us know. We are doing this for each other, for us and for you. Thanks for listening, I needed that. Please forgive my moaning and don't take offense. We appreciate all of our fans, supporters, listeners and posters. I'll be back soon.